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Leila: The Lost Beauty Noter : ***** 1 Votes

#1 L'utilisateur est hors-ligne   Jarni Icône

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Posté 22 novembre 2005 - 03:59

here is a short sorty.....it is just the begining..what do you think!!

She barely slept yesterday night or not at all. Her mind was busied by thoughts full of stress and anxiety of what tomorrow would bring. She never had this kind of feeling in her entire life. Since she finished her last exam paper two weeks ago, a mixture of bright future coupled with an uncertainty of an eventual failure in her exam have changed her attitude. It is June 199…, in the midst of what we call summer. It is hotter for not saying it is hot. Sometimes the temperature would reach 38, 40 or even 40+. It is the period of the year you curse nature...the time you hate or regret being born in this part of the world for some reasons related to whether conditions…forget about other countless difficulties that normal people of this bled face in their daily life.

Tomorrow, 26th of June is a great day for the Soueif Hamoudi family. Leila Soueif Hamoudi,the love of their hearts, the first daughter, the queen of the household, the light of their eyes will finally get her A level result after thirteen years of study…making it through would be the key..the gateway to further her study..to invade the world of knowledge..to become someone as she always says..as if she was nothing right now..when God the Almighty has bestowed on her an unprecedented beauty..from one of the noblest family enjoying endless decent life.

She was the first dauther of two cousins..yes her parents were two cousins..close relatives…. same family yet they married each other.
Mr or sayed Soueif Hamoudi a civil engineer with a noble job..one of the most influential in the ruling circle has become a loyal and trusted intellectual of some of the outstanding political leaders including the president.
Twenty years ago, tradition obliges, he married his cousin from the mother side Miss Nabila Siraj and thus formed a happy family.

It was a ritual tradition for the Hamoudi family to gather every morning and eat together the break fast. The head of the house, sayeed Soueif Hamoudi was very happy and delighted. What a blessing to see all his kids grown up now. it is indeed an achievement he thought. Leila the eldest was almost twenty years old, Mahfouz, the only son was following the footsteps of his sister, two years from now he will get his A level certificate. The youngest daughter Zeinab was still the baby of the family, at the age of fourteen tough she considered herself a grown up girl and showed all the traits and physical appearance of a womanhood.
“Umou Leila” says Sayeed Soueif Hamoudi addressing his wife: “It is hard to believe time is running her schooling was like yesterday...and now she is waiting for her A level result...what a crazy world”.
Answering politely her master and teasing him at the same time, Umou Leila says: “well sir we are getting older and older and our kids are replacing us.We can not run away from time”. She knew that he was uncomfortable with this idea of getting old. He always considered himself as a young man till the day his hair turned white. Still he showed the attitudes and behaviors of a young man...and whenever time was mentioned a feeling of skepticism and worry invaded him.

When he left for his work this morning, he promised his daughter Leila that he will bring back some good news regarding her exam. Do not worry too much my darling he said and please do not go to your school ...it is too hot and too crowded. I will call the deputy secretary of the ministry of education to get your result. I am sure you passed”
He kissed her and left. She believed in herself and was conscious of the unprecedented efforts she has put. She worked hard .studied day and night, memorized chapters after chapters yet she was worrying too much for she was uncertain of what future holds for her.
Whether you have spent nights without sleep or barely prepared yourself for the exam. No one was safe. There were students among the best...fellows nicknamed Einstein, Descartes, genius indeed who kept on failing year after year despite their excellent academic performance. There were others who never lifted a finger, never studied, and seldom attended classes whom their success during the final examination was not at all controversial. Reality has turned things upside down. nothing is impossible in this part of the world …a genius can end up being a looser while someone who doubt to spell his name correctly can prove a sudden skills by scoring an A for some reasons not known to anyone.

She kept on calling her father’s office to know her result for she was anxious in waiting. Yes there is nothing stressful and unfortunate in waiting your faith especially when your future depends on it.
“Hello, Mr Soueif Hamoudi’s office can I help you” his personal secretary answered the phone.
‘Good morning, is it Miss Fatouma”??
“Yes indeed, who is on the line please”?
“Leila Soueif Hamoudi I would like to talk to my father”
“Ohh sorry Leila, he just left for the ministry of education he won’t be back till twelve I will inform him that you called’ anything urgent?
“No thanks I was expecting my result”
She hanged the phone, her heart still beating. Are you going to fail..Ohh no no God forbid such misfortunes. I have worked hard. Are you going to pass, if yes with what grade? Thousand of illusion took hostage of her mind.
It was quiet common for Leila whenever she was subject to such delusion and misapprehension to turn to and seek refuge to someone else..not everyone though.her mother Nabila was the only trusted friend..to whom she could share the ups and downs of her secrets…it was indeed the right time to get consolation from her.

Laying on her bed, she hears her mother calling her name…..”Leila are you doing well in there” please darling don’t bother yourself, stop worrying and being pessimist, I am sure your will pass..Honey no one in this whole city has worked hard as much as you. Today is your day. Believe me my light.

It goes without saying that such kind words comforted her, that was all she needed for the time being. Yes she was in dire need of someone who can side with her, who can remove and fight back these worrying, nervousness and edginess that assaulted her peace of mind.
Noon past half Sayeed Soueif Hamoudi brought back the good news that everyone waited for so long. Leila had made it. She passed the exam. Not only pass but she was the number one, the first student, she outperformed each and everyone else in her entire department. which means she will, by any means, be eligible to any kind of rewards that will probably be given to some of the best scorers. As usual she can get a free scholarship from the ministry of education to further her study. That was what she ever dreamt of. It was a huge victory for the Hamoudi family. They were at last experiencing the end result, the fruits of a long patience, hard work and perseverance.

No one was as happier as Leila. She tried her best. She earned for sure every single point of this achievement. She was overcome by a sense of pride, conceit and delight. The gloomy face she had showed for the past few days had turned bright. Her smile and beauty have been rejuvenated and indeed her gorgeousness has returned in full.

A sense of arrogance emerged in her; a dream of being superior has taken shape in her mind. She totally changed now that she is a candidate for university level. She started fantasizing in what she really wants to do for her undergraduate. Ideas begun to float in her very brain. Various choices were open for her. she could be a lawyer if she wanted. She can also opt for economic and management sciences or be an expert in accounting ...so and so and so options were wide open. It was just a question of where and when.


Few weeks later, good news followed good news. One Monday morning, the deputy secretary of the ministry of education informed Sayeed Soueif Hamoudi that his daughter Leila has been short listed as being among a dozen of students who will be going to a country where no government sponsored student had been sent to so far. Yes Leila would decide to further her study in “Wonderland” a foreign country she never dreamt of. As every other student, in all her life she has been obsessed in going to France the former colony. She behaved like a French woman. She almost forgot her mother tongue in expense of a French language she deeply fall in love. All and all places and cities like Paris, Lyon, Montpellier ECT….were so far her residence to be.

She was facing a dilemma: getting scholarship from the government and flying to “Wonderland”and/or giving up the whole idea and spending her father’s money in her beloved France.
Her mother would say: “Leila there is nothing wrong in going to Wonderland. You are not alone...you deserve this chance please do not turn it down.”
Trying to convince her mother, she replied with her ever lasting protest:” but mom …do you have any idea where wonderland is? How people live there!! The economic conditions ect…….”
“My darling how am I suppose to know all that...when I never had the chance to complete my secondary school….after all they say it is a Muslim country and as a mother that is all that matters for me”
Other family members joined the conversation. Some promoting this new wonderland that has became the faith of Leila, others keeping the skepticism out of worry for the poor girl.
Wonderland was a Muslim country. A place where there was neither winter nor summer. Neither snow nor heat. A country where all was green. The weather never changed in the entire year. Politically stable...Economically strong with one the fastest growth rate.
More so the official language will be so beneficial for Leila. She will discover a new way of life. All and all it will be an unprecedented experience for a member of the Soueif Hamoudi family.
They all agreed that Leila should accept this opportunity for it is not easy to get another chance especially from the ministry of education.
Though not really what she wanted, she accepted her parent’s decision. She had decided to travel to wonderland. Despite her sometimes sharp tongue …she always been obedient to her father and mother.
Every one agreed that Leila is traveling …the question of “where” has been answered. But the question of “when” was still pending.
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#2 L'utilisateur est hors-ligne   djib_extremiste Icône

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Posté 22 novembre 2005 - 04:31

Waaaaww.... I cant wait to hear more about it....Iam extremly lookin forward to read the other part of the story...

What a chef-d-oeuvre!!!!


Keep up the good work =D> =D> =D>


...........................................
"There's gonna be some stuff u gonna see that's gonna make it hard To smile in the future, but through whatever you see, Through all the rain and all the pain, you gotta keep your sense of humor. you gotta be able to smile through all this bullsh*t"

Tupac Shakur
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#3 L'utilisateur est hors-ligne   Balou Icône

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Posté 22 novembre 2005 - 04:40

splendide!!!! is that an external personifications of ur own story?

:P :P :P

anyway nice work Kuz.... u might work a little bite on the transition though ,not hard feelings just a thought
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#4 L'utilisateur est hors-ligne   Desaxee Icône

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Posté 22 novembre 2005 - 08:33

Poor narrative structure
weak realism of the characters: we don't what they look like except that leila is beautiful. We have no insight into their psychology...and it's full of cliches!!!!!

No originality, no surprise and the expectation of the readers ( much more exigeant than balou et djibextremist) is undermined by banal description.

If you want to be a serious writer you have a long way to go, however if you want to write for poor TV soaps or romantic subgenre of literrature, you are the man!!!

I hope you enhance the dramatic structure of your next episode.


Desaxee- official critic of Djibnet
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#5 L'utilisateur est hors-ligne   abdi wadji Icône

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Posté 22 novembre 2005 - 08:39

:lol: :lol:

Bon courage Jarni, te laisses pas avoir par les critikes de miss Desax.
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#6 L'utilisateur est hors-ligne   Wallen Icône

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Posté 22 novembre 2005 - 10:05

Voir le messageDesaxee, le Tuesday 22 November 2005, 18:33, dit :

Desaxee- official critic of Djibnet


Frustrated writer wannabe :P
''Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth"
Will Rogers


Love makes the world go round
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#7 L'utilisateur est hors-ligne   Balou Icône

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Posté 23 novembre 2005 - 10:43

Desaxee,

horomale laga maa gadhayo....... Les critique peuvent venir d une maniere enveloppe aussi desaxee. la tienne, elle est vraiment nue et ne te donne plus l'envie d ecrire qq chose de nveau.
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#8 L'utilisateur est hors-ligne   naina Icône

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Posté 23 novembre 2005 - 11:56

Great storie =D> but you need to improve writing skills if you want to be successful writer.

Desaxee what happen to constructive criticism? :o :( :angry:
"It is by no means certain that our individual personality is the single inhabitant of these our corporeal frames... We all do things both awake and asleep which surprise us. Perhaps we have cotenants in this house we live in." by Oliver Wendell Holmes, The Guardian Angel

Man's Search for meaning is the primary motivation in his life and not a 'secondary rationalization' of instinctual drives. This meaning is unique and specific in that it must and can be fulfilled by him alone; only then does it achieve a significance which will satisfy his own will to meaning... Man, however, is able to live and even to die for the sake of his ideals and values. by Victor Frankl

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. by Voltaire
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#9 L'utilisateur est hors-ligne   azraf Icône

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Posté 23 novembre 2005 - 01:11

et pour les francophones jarni? on peut crever hein! :((
j'exige une traduction ennfrançais ou je supprime le post!
azraf :angry:
ragna waa ragii hore ,hadalna waa intu yidhi!!

"l'occident est un accident,sa culture,une anomalie" roger garaudy.

"rien ne sert de partir à point, il faut courir." coluche
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#10 L'utilisateur est hors-ligne   Desaxee Icône

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Posté 23 novembre 2005 - 02:03

Voir le messageazraf, le Wednesday 23 November 2005, 12:11, dit :

et pour les francophones jarni? on peut crever hein! :((
j'exige une traduction ennfrançais ou je supprime le post!
azraf :angry:


Azraf walaal, y'a rien a traduire c nul: une fille arabe riche et belle a eu le bac et part faire ses etudes kelke part dans un pays musulman.

Wallen, you ar right! you know what they say: He ,who can't, teach!!

My constructive criticism: more depth into their psychology( how they see their world, their ideas, their past, their feelings bad or good), more description.
Your writing has to be rich whatever path you want to follow: you are a third person narartor that means you are not part of the story, maybe you can introduce yourself to us? Finally, you have to know how to proceed expectations. You give an important part to the BAC result, you shouldn't because we know that she's gonna pass (she was a good student). And what about her father collecting the results, it doesn't happen like that :blink: ...... the student goes to the school where the result are announced...


I have more things to say, but i am in a hurry, ......

c ya
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#11 L'utilisateur est hors-ligne   Ely Icône

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Posté 23 novembre 2005 - 05:14

Voir le messageDesaxee, le Wednesday 23 November 2005, 6:03, dit :

Azraf walaal, y'a rien a traduire c nul: une fille arabe riche et belle a eu le bac et part faire ses etudes kelke part dans un pays musulman.


T'es vraiment douee toi...c'est exactement ce que raconte ce long texte outrageusement banal. Cependant je ne serais pas aussi severe avec l'auteur afin de ne pas le decourager car cette partie peut servir d'introduction a une histoire qui peut devenir une intrigation a rebond...En attendant Azraf, je crois que Desaxee l'a bien resume et je suis dac avec elle que tu n'as rien rate...
"C'est une erreur de croire nécessairement faux ce qu'on ne comprend pas."
MAHATMA GANDHI (1869 - 1948)

"C'est une grande misère que de n'avoir pas assez d'esprit pour bien parler, ni assez de jugement pour se taire."
JEAN DE LA BRUYÈRE (1645 - 1696)

"La religion est l'opium du peuple"
Karl Marx (1818-1883)
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#12 L'utilisateur est hors-ligne   Jarni Icône

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Posté 23 novembre 2005 - 05:20

Well!!! thank you all for you comment
It was not a story dedicated to win the International IMPAC Dublin Literary Award 2006 (lollll)..

Desaxee my writing skills is quiet poor ..but i am not a man in his early forties who has allowed one identity after another to be thrust upon him, as if he could truly know himself by becoming what others imagine him to be.
i am just writing ideas here and there and looking forward to improve myself...

Sir AZRAF my french is not that beautiful ...maybe Mr djib-extremist will help you out......

salam......
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#13 L'utilisateur est hors-ligne   azraf Icône

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Posté 23 novembre 2005 - 05:21

bande d'egoistes vas ! c'est la segregation!! djibnet on est en francophonie ou pas!!!! :(( :angry: :(
ragna waa ragii hore ,hadalna waa intu yidhi!!

"l'occident est un accident,sa culture,une anomalie" roger garaudy.

"rien ne sert de partir à point, il faut courir." coluche
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#14 L'utilisateur est hors-ligne   Balou Icône

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Posté 24 novembre 2005 - 10:38

Il est temps pour toi de changer de langue... tu cours derriere le francais depuis un bail.... C est pas facile je sais, mais si jamais tu te sens discrimine a djibnet j imagine comment tu sera kan tu sera discrimine ds la vie normale.
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#15 L'utilisateur est hors-ligne   azraf Icône

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Posté 24 novembre 2005 - 04:54

Voir le messageBalou, le Thursday 24 November 2005, 8:38, dit :

Il est temps pour toi de changer de langue... tu cours derriere le francais depuis un bail.... C est pas facile je sais, mais si jamais tu te sens discrimine a djibnet j imagine comment tu sera kan tu sera discrimine ds la vie normale.

waaouw balou,la grande leçon de vie que je viens de recevoir là,il est donc temps pour moi de changer de langue !et pourquoi donc cher balou?je vis en france je sais pas qui me discrimineras en france alors que je parle français! et je n'envisage pas de m'installer au states prochainement,ni plus tard d'ailleurs!
aprés c'est vrai qu'il n'ya aucun mal à apprendre une autre langue,c'est toujours un plus!
vu le ton superieur que tu prends ,on voit bien que tu ne vois pas la langue comme un moyen mais comme une fin!
c'est trés grave d'autant plus que l'anglais n'appartient à personne,ni le français d'ailleurs!

"il est temps pour toi de changer de langue... tu cours derriere le français depuis un bail...c est pas facile je sais"
on vois bien que c'est pas la modestie qui t'etouffe,mais tu n'as pas inventé l'anglais tu sais,tu sais le parler c'est tout,donc reviens un peu sur terre.
un ami qui te veux du bien! azraf!!
ragna waa ragii hore ,hadalna waa intu yidhi!!

"l'occident est un accident,sa culture,une anomalie" roger garaudy.

"rien ne sert de partir à point, il faut courir." coluche
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